I was asked a question today, "will you come back to work after the baby is born" and I didn't hesitate to answer, "yes, I will". There's a pressure, I feel, as a mother, not as a parent because fathers don't get the same questions, to split our time evenly between home and work. If we work too much then we're being unfair to our children by "allowing other people to raise them" and if we're home full time then "we're not contributing to the financial needs of the household". Dads tend to get a break, they're expected to work and it's okay if they work a lot. Moms should be available for both conference calls and carpooling when deemed necessary. Working mothers of the middle class world feel this pressure almost every day. We make the schedule, figure out daycare and babysitters, mark the calendars and tell dad when he needs to be somewhere all between our 8 hour work day. I'm supposed to be fulfilling my destiny as a career woman, something my ancestors fought for me to be able to do and yet there's a stay at home mom out there that's judging me. You know the one that volunteers for ALL the school events, she's the one that runs the PTO and asks you in that knowing little voice to make something for the school bake-off. So if she's so irritating then why does the thought cross my mind when someone asks if I'm coming back to work, "it would be the perfect opportunity to walk away"? Working, in our situation, provides better and more financial opportunities for our children. If my kids need new clothes or want to participate in sports or extracurricular activities, we can do that without putting ourselves in debt.
I often say that if/when my husband ever gets a promotion, I'm done working. And then I think to myself would I really waste an education just to be home with my kids? Am I no longer considered an equal to my husband since he now "brings home the bacon"? Would that affect his expectations in our marriage, would I be expected to have dinner waiting for him when gets home along with a fresh cocktail, clean house and children so all he has to do is kick off his shoes and relax? I don't get to relax because why, "I'm home all day"? To be fair, these are questions that I believe have crossed every married couple, every working mother debating a life change and every person who has had an opinion on the subject. Personally, I envy stay at home moms and I believe it is a full time job that does not receive the acknowledgement that it truly deserves. It does, however, reap many benefits. We don't miss out on firsts, like walking or talking. When we teach our children something, there's a sense of accomplishment and pride that no job in the world could ever provide. We get to be a part of their lives in a way that we couldn't if we were tied to a commute and full time job.
So who wins, which position is better? Do we go back to our roots and give our children the foundation of family that they so much need to learn about and appreciate? Or do we stick to what the economy, our ancestors and the American standards now expect of us and stay in the career world, hoping or knowing that our time with our kids after work and on weekends is enough? Simply put, it's not a matter of winning. It a matter of knowing that what your decision is, is what best for the family. Your children will understand and Betty Crocker with the PTO may just be a little envious, maybe, just maybe she feels that she missed out on her opportunity. The grass is always greener on the other side. When the time comes my husband and I will discuss what's best for the kids and what our (my) concerns are. He knows me well enough to know there won't be a cocktail waiting at the door.
I worked hard for two Degrees, in Honors, I might add, I've pulled myself out of financial turmoil and for 9 years I've been the only female Facilities Manager in my Region. I've made a life for my family and I've done what people told me I couldn't do. I've even patted myself on the back for it. When it's slow at work, I'm not thinking so much about the next opportunity to get my foot in the door, I'm thinking about what my kids are doing, is there a board game I could be playing with them, a park we could be at, homework I could be helping them with. Now, I think it's about me teaching my children the same values and work ethic that got me to where I am today. When you are dedicated and passionate about something that makes either a difference in yourself, other people or even the world...there's a breath, a release, a moment that has no words...just a feeling...that's a wonderful accomplishment.
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