I was a receptionist at a computer software company; a job that I wasn't sure would ever turn into a career. I was in school going for my Associates Degree in Business Management with the hopes of opening up my own dance studio. My new boyfriend was kind and sweet and gave me my space, something different from the typical "going nowhere" type I was always attracted to.
When my first semester grades came back with A's and B's, I had a moment of "maybe I do know what I'm doing". At work, my boss gave me side projects that I would complete to his exact specs and soon I realized that I was really good at my job and I liked it. I researched the company training programs and loaded up on all the online training courses. I begged my boss to send me to a CAD training course in Chicago and volunteered for anything that he would throw my way. There was this new sense of control that I had over my life. Juggling all of this while raising a two year old with ADD had its challenges but this time quitting wasn't an option. I was determined to prove to my son that I wasn't a failure and the life that he was born into was not the one I was going to give him.
My kind and sweet boyfriend was just what I needed at the time. While we were the same age, I believe the lack of a child made him a little younger and little more naive. He had a difficult relationship with his father but it was very clear that he had the utmost respect and admiration for his mother even though she kicked him out shortly before we met. I believe it was her strong will that made him open his eyes. He was living on his own, working at a pizza joint and playing with his car. At 22, he was doing just fine. We often talked about his passion for food. I often wondered what he was doing working at a pizza place. The new go getter in me decided to research colleges and I might have filled out an application or two for him. And then something happened.
He met my beautiful son and wasn't so sure, I respected him for his honesty and walked away quietly knowing who truly held my heart. It made it easier even though it still hurt. My mother made me watch lifetime movies and told me she would get me through it. I woke up one morning and suddenly felt rejuvenated, I took mental notes of everything I had in my life and it felt good. I was going to be just fine. I went to work and when I walked in the door that night my phone rang. It was Adam, I waited...briefly and then answered and, again, something happened.
His father's aneurysm changed everything. He didn't know who else to call. When my mother heard what happened, it was her eyes that told me to go. His brother who was only 14 at the time witnessed it at an indoor hockey game. There is a 60% chance of death with an aneurysm. Adam's father waved at me when he went into surgery and said "hello Liz". The nurse told us that his gesture was a very good sign, most of the time they don't remember much before surgery and it was really good that he knew my name. Adam’s father survived and his relationship with Adam is stronger than ever. His grandchildren, both of them, are very blessed to have him in their lives. Adam went off to College and got his Associates Degree in Culinary Arts and has been climbing the ladder at a large restaurant chain for the past 7 years. He said he made a mistake and I said “I know”. He’s a great father.
When I look back at old pictures of myself, I can see the chaos that plagued my life. I see it in my face and body and even in the background shots. There’s clutter all over the dressers, the clothes thrown on the floor, the circles under my eyes and the heavy emotion that sat in my hunched shoulders. Something happened, something good. It was at that age of 22 that I felt a new sense of control, freedom. It was also at that age of 22 that God made me quite aware that I wasn’t in control of everything. I’m a planner, I love to process and organize and detail things and maybe it’s become slightly OCDish and the curtains don’t have to necessarily be lined up the way they are. When I’m done, I take a deep breath and appreciate my life even more. So when I plan our home and our children and things don’t go the way I expected them to I just think back on when I was 22 and I smile. That would be God reminding me that I’m not in control and I should just thank him for giving me a new plan.
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